Awards Oversight Pillows

'Why...Why not me? What did I do wrong, I work hard...why don't they like me?'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Win - win

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Legalish

"The Nominees"

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

'Just to keep everybody on their toes, let's can the employee of the month.'

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

Brett Kavanaugh Shows Why the US is the Bestest Country in the Whole Wide World

Norman E-Mailer

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.