Award Show Junkie Prints

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

"And now the award for..."

'And the award for 'most sensational celebrity divorce' goes to...'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Redneck Goldfish' Earl knew better than to watch Oprah while drinking.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Dancing with the Star Wars

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"Spoiler alert."

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

Mog The Week

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

Prehistoric Peeps: Even the 'Derby' had its primeval counterpart.

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'

"There's more to life than beer and football...I just can remember what it is."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

Giving an Oscar to an animal actor would put the academy awards into context.

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."