Award Ceremony Host T-Shirts

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

Jungle Games

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Oscars 2024

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

Oscars

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

"This goes to our Most Aggressive Defender and, ironicall, first person ever to foul out of an awards banquet..."

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Congratulations on winning Weather Forecaster of the Year, you rotten swine!'

A woman bows to the crowd

Base chapel.

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"But most of all I'd like to thank the zeitgeist."

"He had a few drinks while planning where to meet for a drink before the pre-award drinks"

"And now, honorary awards for the worst best-picture and the best worst-picture."