Award Ceremony Attendee Pillows

"Thank you, but in all humility, I'm just the ass that Jesus rode in on."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

Jungle Games

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Oscars 2024

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

The Maryland School of Art's Class of 1998 Celebrating This Week's Commencement With The Traditional Thesis Painting Toss.

"You said it—everybody heard you."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"I want to thank all the little people."

Oscar Victory

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

'Congratulations on winning Weather Forecaster of the Year, you rotten swine!'

"This goes to our Most Aggressive Defender and, ironicall, first person ever to foul out of an awards banquet..."

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Base chapel.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"But most of all I'd like to thank the zeitgeist."

I don't care if you have a ticket - hop it.

The Oscars

"He had a few drinks while planning where to meet for a drink before the pre-award drinks"