Award Ceremonialist T-Shirts

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

The Aisle

'What, They're comfortable.'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

Animals of the Royal Wedding

'Will you hold it down? This is IMPORTANT!'

Double Wedding

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

"I want to thank all the little people."

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

RETIREMENT VOWS

Christening

"He had a few drinks while planning where to meet for a drink before the pre-award drinks"

'We sell gifts for people to give to graduates they know.'

"Maybe if we hold her under longer."

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'AAAAGH! Oh, KNEEL! I thought you said my name - Neil!'

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."