Avian Appreciator T-Shirts

"Accidentally flying onstage does not count as 'doing Shakespeare in the Park.' "

"What did you put in that bird feeder?"

"We need any eggs?"

Balding eagle looking back through his yearbook.

Dove Coat

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

'That's not red on the wing, that's catsup on the lens.'

"So that's four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, and...oh, what the hell, we're celebrating...a partridge in a pear tree."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Do me next."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

Bird Torture.

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Birds of the Pacific Northwest: Belted Kingfisher

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

'I think he's lonely.'

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

'There's too many of us... I'm going to start forming a 'W'.'

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

Why would birdie need newspaper?