Authors Pillows

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''

'So you're saying your autobiography has eight sequels?'

"It's about a whale called Moby Richard."

'A most powerful, moving and scary book - botanists will love it!'

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

Litterary Dogs.

'Let's do those Grimm brothers for hate speech.'

Author signing: Meet the plagiarist.

'It's s**t from the rear of the year.'

A Trend In Children's Literature Is Discerned

'He's been at it for six months, and he still can't think of a pseudonym.'

Meat the Author.

'The Orange Prize for Literature goes to...'

'There are so many books on 'How to Get On'...They don't seem to have had much effect...I suppose you've only 'got on' if you've written a book about it.'

'Here comes Orwell again - Get ready for some more of his 'I told you so.''

"M Bloggs author lived here on Prozac"

Salman Rushdie

Agatha Christie's Greenway Now Open.

War & Peace as it was and written and as it would have been written if Tolstoy had invested in a good word processor.

'Herman Melville would have loved this.'

"Ooooh! This recipe sounds nice... Hard Boiled Detective!!"

Ethics, by Donald Trump

"I can't wait to meet the author! He has such an amazing understanding of children!"

Will Self-Driving car

Book Burning is Always Wrong?

"During difficult times people often reach out to find new sources of entertainment."

Never use a cookbook written by a mystery book author. You never know how things will turn out!

"My latest book is for three-to-five-year-olds, but I like to think there's something in it for everyone."

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

The future was supposed to be cooler than the one we got.

Whack the author.

"It's by A.I. Milne."

'Over 950 pages?' Wow! And I thought I was the king of the literary doorstop.'

"If you kids want to grow up to be writers, it's time we give you something to write about."