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Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

"Your answers sound rehearsed!"

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Joan Hickson

Taking a peek at the audience

"Tong!"

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

I can't wait 'til her tryouts for "Cats" are over.

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'Therapy in L.A.'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

Melanie Griffith

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

Ballet Audition. I think I've just witnessed the pollution of Swan Lake.

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

'So, did I get the job?'

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."