Athletic Commentator Gifts

In the end, neither was the winner. . . both tested positive to a banned substance!!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I think you're ace

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Kenny Dalglish

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

Tennis ball girl.

Cricket widow's revenge 2

American Football.

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.