Astrology Fan Prints

'Capricorns have all the luck.'

'I told you I refuse to be born today. I don't want to be Aries.'

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

Documentation Please

"Listen to my horoscope in this issue of 'Wig and Weaves'. . ."

'I'm a Pisces.'

'I'll have a lottery ticket, a diet chocolate bar, an astrology magazine, and a voters' guide.'

"My horoscope said to rest on the afternoon!"

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

The Inner Dog.

Nostradamus.

"So, what is your star sign?"

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Monster Horrorscopes

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'