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'I'm not sure this will work, Brian. I'm a water sign and you're an earth sign. Together, we make mud.'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'Far out! How did you pick me as a leo?'

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

Last night I met an interesting guy online. He's an Aries with a trust fund rising.

The Inner Dog.

'Hey, don't tell me - you're a capricorn?'

'I'll be right with you. I'm reading my horoscope.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"Well it's ironic given that I'm actually a Capricorn."

'Sorry, Marvin, we can never work out. I'm a Pisces, and you're a geek.'

Planting by the Moon.

Happy 2015 Year of the Ram

'I asked her what her sign was and she said, 'Stop.''

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

Leo/lion

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

'Your horoscope says stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' - 'I'd better cancel my dentist appointment.'

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"Actually, I'm a Sagittarius."

"So, what is your star sign?"

"You had me at sextile moon."

"Your moon is squaring Saturn, so I can tell you're shy and withdrawn."

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

Pisces

Holly's House of Feng Shui

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"Well, you know what they say - men are sun ascendant in Aries, and women are moon ascendant in Virgo."

"Turn 15 degrees Leo... Oh, sorry. Wrong chart."

"He's a nice enough guy, but he never shuts up. Sometimes, I wish VIrgos really were mutable."

"Wow! This is exactly what my horoscope predicted!"

'Our genes suit fine, but astrologically Bob and I don't match at all.'

"What's hilarious is I'm an Aquarius with, like, strong fire-sign energy."