Astrologist T-Shirts

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Gas, is it the future?"

Stars

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

'I see you visiting the statue of liberty during a snowstorm... Oh wait.'

'This is Astral Bob. He reads horoscopes.'

"Hey- come over here and look at this..!"

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

"I see more southern hemispheric emphasis in your chart."

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "

A giant diamond hurtles through space toward a population of very conflicted women.

'Invade Poland?!....Invade Poland?! - What, with Neptune rising in Virgo!?'

"What sign are you, Gary?"

'Ha, Ha, your horoscope says you should nurture a new relationship!'

'Ha Ha! Stop seeing astrally and look behind you, Bob!'

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

'You are being completely duped by a stranger! She says she can foretell your future, but she is just a con artist...'

'Do you have to yell 'far out!' every time you see something new?'

"Cancer is in Leo, but I think we caught it in time."

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

Fortune Tellers Convention

'I come from a long line of fortune hunters...'

How the planets of the solar system are known to their friends

"I don't like space."

"I said I'm an astronomer, not an astrologist!"

After the death of New York City, Zeus placed it in the heavens as a constellation.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

65 Million Years Ago

Emergency numbers on a telephone.