Assertiveness Maestro Mugs

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Bassoons.

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

Computer Music

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A dancing man wearing a red-striped top

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

Nice speech, but you don't have that many friends. You better add "Romans and countrymen."

Skeleton model kit assembly instructions.

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Spinning Plates!

'You've got to be more assertive. You can't just say 'Cock-a-doodle-maybe-do.'

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

The Violin Artist

'I just love to watch you get the sales staff fired up, Johnson.'

"Well, I admire your assertiveness, but you might want to work on your people skills!"

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

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'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

'It appears she's none of her grandmother's subtlety.'

"Could you keep still?"

"Wow! Nice job on that display, Baldo! Just don't tell the boss. He'll make you do more."

Orchestra

Ballet Beggar.

"Hey, folks - assuming everyone is on board, and barring any unforeseen technical glitches - it's showtime."

Not many people pulled off the Movember look this well!

'Welcome to 'Basic Conducting' - would the man in row 2 like to share with us his expectations.'