Aspiring Slimmer Pillows

"How's the diet going?"

'I want to lose another 40 pounds, so I'm staying in until June.'

"I didn't spark joy."

What else is there to wish for?

Little Princess.

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"When I grow up I'd like to model for a pasta company."

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'Polly doesn't want a cracker, Polly wants a condo in Florida.'

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'Just call me Delia...'

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

"Nice try Mrs Wimslow"

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

Dang! They're always out of 'handsome and brilliant neurosurgeon!'

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

Dear Diary. . . New Year's Resolutions: lose weight, drink less, spend less on clothes. . . stop kidding myself!

"Yes, Jimmy, this is how you'll look if you keep working out with your rubber strap!"