Aspiring Professional Pillows

'There's no doubt about it -- you're a woman on her way up.'

'The offer letter from the company that interviewed you is as follows: 'if you return the pen and pencil set we won't press charges.''

"I aim to have an ulcer before I'm 35, sir."

"What do you want to be when you reenter the workforce?"

'But it's career day... I'm supposed to take him to work.'

"My mom has to take a drug test for her new job tomorrow. Can she borrow a book to study for it?"

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

What else is there to wish for?

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

One day, he hoped to hit the big time.

'Oh for heaven's sake, Jim... all he wants to do is perform a vasectomy on you.'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"I'm sorry but we do not promote just for participation."

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

How to get ahead and how to get further ahead.

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

"Shouldn't be long before we're at the top."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"Well, if I can't get an increase based on merit, how about one based on the cost of living beyond my means?"

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.