Artistic Conundrums Prints

Simplify Life/Art

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

"Notice how the artist uses light to draw in the viewer."

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

"By the way, HarperCollins decided your book did not warrant publication."

When I was in jail, I passed the time by writing my autobiography. I took certain liberties with some of the characters. For instance, you appear in the later chapters

An old-fashioned printer using an Albion press.

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

'She leaves before I finish her portrait.'

A military officer daydreams

The Wonder Of It All

Gallery of modern art

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

"I own 60% of your image rights. Which means you have to pay me ten quid every time you look in the mirror."

"I can't imagine bringing a child into the current art world."

Two weeks ago: Hear ye, all you tweeting, blogging, Facebooking, Instagramming caf

Benjamin Britten.

"There was no large metal object in your rib cage after all. Turns out I was just seeing this old-timey doctor thing on my forehead."

'Golf was too frustrating, so Ed took up painting!'

I could do THAT Art

'I have a problem. I met them at different singles vacations and I can't decide whom I like best!'

No Starlets Were Harmed

Statues have been removed die to steroid use by heroes.'

The Thinking Santa

"It's very male."