Artful Cynics T-Shirts

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

The Nihilist Deli.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Obama builds own gallows.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

The Post-Modern Bar & Grill.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Information and Still don't get it.

Old Rope

'My success? It's difficult to give reasons...I suppose its a combination of grit, energy, the will to succeed...and a few well-placed relations.'

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

Mail & Political lies.

Corrupted Politicians

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

'Help me, Helen! I'm feeling a momentary lapse of cynicism!'

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?" "I met a lady a while back." "We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things." "What do you mean 'courage?' Ending things isn't 'courageous,' it's cowardly." "Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with a vengeance."

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

"No comment for now, but there'll be a press leak at five."

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"