Artefact Aficionados T-Shirts

"You're looking for the Holy Grail? Have you tried Ebay?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

The Artist

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Cariactures

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

(Camel paintings)

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

"Mr. Right!"

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Horti-Culture

Distractions Of The Great

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Baroque Peacock

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"You're my Mona Lisa."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

Spring Training

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Painting taking root...