Art Critic Aficionado T-Shirts

"Pfft. Derivative."

'To be frank Benjie, I don't think you've ever really recaptured the edgy brutality of your early potato-man period.'

"You've captured his intellectual prowess, overbearing demeanor and aura of invincibility, but unfortunately it looks nothing like him."

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Paul Klee

Cariactures

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

(Camel paintings)

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Mr. Right!"

Use your imagination.

Horti-Culture

"Well....I could've done this!"

Distractions Of The Great

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."