Arachnid Ambassador T-Shirts

'If it hurts when you make webs, Dear, maybe you should see a spin doctor.'

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

Nato Membership

"I'm OK. But I think the dog wants to go out."

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

Diplomacy Between Cuba and US

The Further Temptations of Kenneth Starr

"Mr. Macron, Mr. Draghi. Welcome to Kiev! Why didn't you bring Mr. Scholz with you?"

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

While playing fetch, Beasle inadvertently set back interplanetary relations for millennia.

Spider Press-Ups

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

'He's the teacher's pet. She keeps him in a cage in the back of the class.'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

I was coughing, Frank - I didn't need the Heimlich.

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"It's amazing how far you can go with a positive attitude."

"No note!? With no note, sending our envoy's head back in a box could mean anything!"

"I do appreciate that it eats other bugs, but it also ate my husband."

Black Widow Diet

Love and hate

"Arachnophunnies"

'What luck!'

Diplomats in the form of doormats

"Who do we talk to about buying your planet?"

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

'Visit my website.'