Aptitude Assessor Pillows

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"Which part are you reading for?"

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

"Smart Arse"

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

'So far, the only dreams I've achieved have been nightmares.'

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

"Sorry Mr. Gross, Mr. DeVries, but the firm has decided to go with the earthy, down-home fingerpicking of Ms. Aimee Parker-Grossman."

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'So, did I get the job?'

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Parental Anxiety

"Where do you see yourself in five minutes?"

The Hot Air Sports Club AGM

'Your glass is half full!'

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"

Personality Test - No Result

The Next Big Thing/ The Next Best Thing.

I made a resolution to have a more positive attitude, but god knows how long that's gonna last...

'I've had it with your bright, sunny, upbeat...'

'On the contrary, your glass is half full.'

"Well, it's official. The American Dream has become the American Daydream."

Psychometric tests would weed out 25% of all applicants (medical schools).

'An extra pound here and there, a little sag, a little bulge, but I'm still the same hunk you married, right Ethel?'

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'Your assets speak for themselves. They say 'no'.'

Confidential Credit Company: 'No!'

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'