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'Is there a 'back to school' app?'

"This app alerts me when I'm being selfish, unsocial or temperamental. I need to change my personality, because it alerts me every minute of the day."

"His productivity apps pushed him to an early grave."

Today's love

"This new app shows you where all your friends are!"

'This less-weight app is great! It suggested I lie my mobile down on the scale instead of stepping on it myself and look - less-weight!'

'He's perfect. We have loads of the same apps.'

'You've got to download this one. It's the 'Clean Underwear If You're In An Accident' app.'

'Our highly adventurous 'New Technology' fund is managed by an app.'

"You mean, with that yakerpoop app, you can have a service stop by and puck up your bag of crap?"

"Someone must have hacked into my calculator app."

"Now they go straight to my brain."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"Isn't there an app for this?"

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

All the apps hidden within a phone

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

'Normally, this project would require weeks of research and verification...but luckily there's an app for it.'

God's Phone

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."