Apartment Life Observer Pillows

"Sensors report alien invasion of Sector R-12!"

'There are some in the building who really resent those of us who have indoor parking spots.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Terry had a computer bug.

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'Long shift?'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

Life and Death

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

You trip on it, you buy it.

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

Down on Bourbon Street...

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Put simply, we need our website to tell consumers all about our company without really telling them anything about our company,'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Mice 25¢

Will Kill For Food

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."