Anxious Analyzer Prints

Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"But what if this is all there is?"

Free-Floating Anxiety

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Hell: The Airport"

Hypochondria Hospital

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

"You call that worrying?"

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"I feel we're making progress."

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"I need to relax? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"Then there was the dream where I woke up in a pool of melted butter."

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

'I'm not mad! I'm fuming!'

"I feel we're almost down to bedrock, Mr. Bonwell."

"I'm sensing that un underlying cause of your anxiety is climate change."

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"My main worry is my anxiety."

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

Parental Anxiety

"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?