Antique Books Pillows

"This book you've brought back is very rare, and has been missing for over 200 years!... Unfortunately, there's a £750,000 fine to pay."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Southwark Fair.

Second hand furniture.

Rare Books

Gen-Next Library

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Sundial Time

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

You had me at vintage.

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

Fossil record player.

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

Antiques

Changes at home

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

The First Printed Bible

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'My old Nehru suit! And in a pocket there's still a bottle of aftershave lotion from the glove box of my '55 Nash Rambler.'

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!