Anti-chitchat Enthusiast T-Shirts

Hi, I'd like one small coffee, and no small talk. What? I'm on to you barristas. Always making small talk, where you say something cool and then when I reply, you look at me as if what I said was lame. I just want to order, pay and leave without having any human interaction that could make me feel inadequate. STOP JUDGING ME! Have you thought of buying yourself a Mr. Coffee?

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

Woman on the phone.

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

Sure, he can talk already, but it's all just psychobabble.

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"Let's just do the top layer."

'As a teleworker Colin sometimes struggled against feelings of isolation.'

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'Life! Give my conversation liiiife!'

'I just got off the phone with my long-time writing partner who's bringing over my deathbed confessional masterpiece. In the meantime, who's up for some idle chit-chat? How about all this rain we've been getting, huh?!"

U.S. Male - Part Five

'The reason I never finish my homework is that I spend too much time tweeting about how I have too much homework.'

Unsocial Media

"That was there to give idlers reason to not stop and chat."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

"The Over-Sharing Economy"

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

Wordplay 11. Repetition & on & on & on. . .

Thank You For Not Interrupting My Endless Stream of Chatter.

"She looks sooo good."

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

Airport Literature

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

parrot can't stand small squawk

"Quit asking if I'm O.K. If I'm ever O.K., I'll let you know."

Please stop trying to engage me in conversation, Lars. Can't you tell when a wolverine is engrossed in a book? Sure, that's easy. They move their snouts when they read.

"Oh, no! People are coming to sit near us! Put up the banner!"

"...Kowalski moved that we all yell for help, skidmore seconded the motion and that's where we stand."

"I've never been one for small talk..."