Annual Awards Pillows

Annual Awards Ceremony: "This is my favourite time of year, when we celebrate our achievements!"

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Win - win

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

A man looks up at the earth

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Employee of the Month

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

May I have the envelope, please?