Announcements Mugs

The Sun Comes Out

It's the Fad Herald. I should've upgraded my phone. Hear ye. Today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Hope. Until further notice, that tingly, expectant feeling you're experiencing may be interpreted as optimism, mild euphoria, the illusion of better times ahead. Wow. Now that you mention it. Cool. Wait ... What do you man by illusion? Looking ahead to 2020 trends: Disappointment. Nah. We'll be fine, I'm sure.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Squeezing the Free Press.

They're Not Just That Into It

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Trump pardons

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"We won!"

CIA report

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Laughingstock

Trump Poutine

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Loan Alley

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

A little bird told me...

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."