Anniversary Optimizer T-Shirts

'My husband says that for our twenty-fifth anniversary, he's going to spend 25 billable hours on me.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Tartine

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Playing Fetch.

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

Killer Executive Suits.

You're my Mona Lisa.

"This place has the best happy hour."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

LAY ZEE FUK

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Sloaney Pony.

Demure lady with gloves

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Cry babies.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'