Animalking Pillows

Deer Crossing

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

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"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

Fast food. Even faster food

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Do you have any catsup?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.