Animal Psychiatrist T-Shirts

Dog Shrink - "So how was I to know he meant it literally."

'Animal Psychiatrist' (a dog).

"And you need to control distemper of yours."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Why do they do that?"

Licensed Therapist

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"The hyenas started it."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Bears catching fish

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

'I don't know about you. But I'm eating my fill before I drag this carcass to the 'king of the beasts'.'

What does aloof mean?

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."