Angst Explorer T-Shirts

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

Free-Floating Anxiety

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

Id/Ego/Superego.

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Neurotics in the tropics

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"Hell: The Airport"

This is your brain on cartoons

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

(I'm afraid someone is going to expose me as a phony, a fraud, … A complete charlatan.) (Uh, oh! He's on to me!)

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

"You call that worrying?"

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

Teenage Shakespeare

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

"Then there was the dream where I woke up in a pool of melted butter."

"My main worry is my anxiety."

Cowpunk

"I feel we're almost down to bedrock, Mr. Bonwell."

Agoraphobic Explorer

'The driving on that game is simulated, but the road rage is real.'

'Well, you're not a hypochondriac, you only THINK you're a hypochondriac!'

"Is it okay that I said yes to that costume party?"

'Doctor, I just can't seem to relate to my computer equipment these days.'

"Yeah, I used to have an emotional support animal, but then I upgraded to a conflict avoidance scooter."

"We met on Agnostic Rendezvous."

From the tournament of neuroses parade

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?

'When I call for the time and temperature, they say 'Who wants to know?''