Ancient Ancestor Joke Appreciator Pillows

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

What's an Imax cave?

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

Pandora's Change Purse...

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

'This cd is Earth and Wind. There is no fire, yet.'

OMG.

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

Split the last one?

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"