Analytics Pillows

Information vs. confusion

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

"As you can see here, there were a few downticks, followed by a few upticks, finishing off with some antics."

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'Okay, here's an abandoned storage locker with some random data that may or may not be useful. We'll start the bidding at $50...'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'Well done! This works much better.'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'I will now peek into your future, David...'

"Well, we're waiting. See any patterns emerging?"

'You know when people have been good or bad - you'd be perfect for our data mining team!'

'I'll crunch the numbers and get back to you.'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

"For heaven's sake! You're retired. Give it up!"

Madame Irma: sait tout, voit tout. Lit l'avenir dans le big data.

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

"Heads, we go with the analytics. Tails, we don't."

"Actually, 48.7% of statistics are made-up."

"Having analysed the data we're pretty sure there will be a result, we just don't know what it might be."

'Last month's sales figures went very well. So well, in fact, they fell back and crushed the previous months.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

"How'd you do on your test?"

"Remember, data doesn't tell the whole story."

"...And after we've reviewed the performance figures, I'll share an idea I've got for streamlining the sales team."

'We're running into a problem every time we try to monitor the eye movement of visitors on your website.'

"Good news! I heard that the sales department had to requisition a stepladder."

'Pick up Carlson on the end, he's got proven performance data.'

The smart building celebrates counting its one millionth person.

'Hess may be a rogue player, but let's not rein him in quite yet.'