Analytics Enthusiast Pillows

Data security officers run frantically out of reactive data security room, while another data officer relaxes in the predictive data security room.

'Let me introduce you to James, our data steward, Bill, our data custodian, and 'Moose,' our data bodyguard.'

"Heads, we go with the analytics. Tails, we don't."

Grocery store has no data team to help with customer's shopping experience.

"We're using analytics now for our teacher evaluations, and it seems your exit velocity at dismissal time is the highest in the school."

"Rachel, our new person in accounting, has put together this projection for the next quarter based on skootching a bit to the right and looking out the window."

GEEK-ONOMICS, 'We study developing and marketing video games.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"When it comes to online marketing, I'm puzzled."

Aggression/Security

'As you can clearly see, our profits continue to climb well into the third quarter.'

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'