Analyst Gifts

"Hold everything! The P.R. department just sent over this chart."

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

'Let's hold off making a decision until we have even more information we don't really need.'

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Before I make my decision, I'd like to see those meaningless statistics again.'

'At this point, I'll ask all of you to follow me to the conference room directly below us!'

'But then again...we could be wrong.'

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'And this chart shows our rate of growth.'

'It's simple. First we look at the upside. Then we look at the downside. Then we look at the upside-down side.'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'To put it simply, our policy just isn't complicated enough.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

Lethal Presentation

Clear direction from a panel of experts, 25?.

"By the way, while you were off sick yesterday, we identified the bottleneck."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'Unfortunately we're approaching the expiration dates on most of our quick-fix solutions.'

'Thank you Fenster. You gave us a real sense of the redundant banality of what we do here.'

'You have to realise that as a potato you are a very complex carbohydrate.'

Flowcharts.

'Some joined up thinking is what we need.'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"We will MAKE the problem fit out solution."

'The risk-benefit analysis says no, the cost-benefit analysis says maybe, and the gut feeling says 'Go for it'!'

Oil price - 'Yeah, c'mon! Do us a favour and let it fly! The higher, the better!'

'We think we may be a victim of corporate espionage.'

Challenge and solution

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"