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Valerie began to suspect that Brian hadn't laid a carpet before.

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

Fixing the TV.

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"She does this when she's tired."

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

DIY.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

Super glue . . .

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

"I can't find the instructions."

Irritable dowel syndrome

Home Business - Printer Ink.

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

"Kick the machine"