Alias Aficionado T-Shirts

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"It's my nom de commerce, sir."

'Kris, Kringle, Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas -- if you're on the level, why all the aliases?'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

Driverless cars rage.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"What did you download at school today?"

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

Bot Art: After da Vinci

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

"I'm afraid I'll be replaced by a robot at work."

"Your feelings may be artificial, but that doesn't mean they're not real."

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

"When you say you're behind me 100%, do you mean base ten or binary?"

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."