Album Addict Gifts

"I downloaded your band's new album. It's actually not bad at all."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Crane Game. Ball Game.

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

The Invention of the Wheel

"Ronny, there's not going to be any 3-D. The studio wants you to shoot it on your cell phone."

Book market

"When catch-up TV finally catches up"

Reading room

Even cowgirls get the blues. 'Well, howdy! I've been lookin' for this here B.B. King album forever!'

The book that will not be denied!

"Joyce Carol Oates seems to have no trouble coming out with book after book."

"Now that I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want, my life has no structure."

Record department with rock, crossover and classical sections.

'Contains complete text of original hard cover edition and much more!'

Chain and Ball music player.

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

"I envy you—laughing all day long, and being paid for it, too!"

"Do you ever get to the point where you think if you read another book you'll burst, but you do anyway, and you don't burst?"

"It's for weird minds - they're not wired like mine...oh! I'm a poet and didn't know it!"

Pumpkin Flavored Pumpkin Seeds

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

Trilby - 'A human nightingale'.

Hello, auto club? I have an emergency. What's happened, sir? Ever since I upgraded to iOS 8, my iPhone hasn't been syncing with my car stereo over bluetooth. I don't feel comfortable driving without being able to hear my "driving" playlist. How long till you get here? Sir, we're going to have to revoke your membership.

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

"I've got an extremely rare Dusty Springfield."

Praise for "OCTOBER SUN"

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'

'I see you've got a new single coming out.'

"Mmmm... Let's see... Little cable cars...ah...ah...halfway to the...to the...aha! To the stars! ...I Left My Heart in San Francisco! Tony Bennett! Right?"