Airline Mechanic Pillows

"If you're selling, I couldn't offer more than fifteen hundred for the machine. It looks like it's had a lot of miles on it."

"Stop scratching your head. I know you've got an itchy scalp, but the passengers get the wrong impression."

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Two airplanes

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

'Will that be coach?'

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

Safest Airline in The World

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

"Bev sure takes the last leg literally."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."