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'Will work for airmiles'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

"How's my tripping you up?"

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'My mentor and role model was a frequent flyer.'

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the safety presentation. It's the only way you'll know the difference between the harmless scarlet kingsnake and the deadly Eastern coral snake."

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

'With my frequent flyer miles I was able to get a seat upgrade from the luggage compartment.'

'And how many frequent flyer miles do you have?'

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