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"Two weeks quarantine before coming through the gate." (man at the gates of Heaven, being told there is a quarantine"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

The Reaper's Arms

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"From this you make a living?"

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

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Gates of heaven

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

Post-psychoanalysis

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."