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"The first eight times it was curiosity. The last time I was run over."

"I get the feeling he's a smoker."

"I'm not saying Heaven isn't perfect, but I wish China didn't own so much of our debt."

"Fire drill?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

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Gates of heaven

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

"You get a white robe, a halo, wings, and of course, free WIFI."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

"No, you're going to hell - but you're welcome to check out the gift shop."

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

Heaven

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'