Advisory Services Pillows

"Hi, I'm your small business adviser."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

SAGE mentality

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Rock and a Hard Place

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended..."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

The Canary in the Coal Mine

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Automatic Congressman

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'All I know is that when life hands you a lemon, you're supposed to make lemonade...is there such a thing as curveballade?'