Adolescent Advocate Gifts

'I'm not enjoying my childhood, I'm dealing with it.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'He's at a very impressionable age.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Welcome to your new English Class.

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

The Boy Who Wanted To Be A Lawyer - "Father Desmond, we need an exorcism."

"Sorry, but no. I can't lend you a student to help clean up your yard."

Violence against children.

"The good news is, the children in the district have strong writing skills. The bad news is, we have sustained a letter-writing campaign from the third grade."

'See, this is proof that your criticism of our educational system is right on!'

Make good decisions!

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

"These conferences are a good thing. It keeps parents off the streets."

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"If they add one more mandatory standardized test... we'll have to lengthen the school year!"

Alcohol and Tobacco Danger

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

Danger: Do not love.

What?! No way are we pushing for a green prom. Eco-club. Do we have to take the fun out of everything? People will totally embrace it if we frame it in the right way. Like? Saving energy by turning the lights down really low! Or using fewer chaperones. I can deal!

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

MEN, WOMEN, 'What are KIDS supposed to do?'

The Minor Issue

The Cheddar College for Extra Mature Students

An apple core school

Girl to mother: 'Don't call me a teenager. From now on, I want to be referred to as a pre-adult.'

'May I be excused? The pressure is getting to me.'