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'I see a tax office...I see some clerks giggling over a self assessment form...'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it with a chopstick and soya sauce."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'