Acting Rehearsal Gifts

"Just be yourself."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'They all want to play the star.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

'Hamlet'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Comedy Cafe

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Theatre Masks and Butts

Joan Hickson

Steve McQueen

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Toi Toi Toi!"