Accident Reporter Prints

Cluster Catastrophe

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

The first car accident.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Gay Times...

Press Freedom

Difference of Opinion

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

A little bird told me...

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

'He was a great writer'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Newspaper suicide.

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

Turkey, present day...

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Reporter #6: television.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

"I think I see your deadline approaching."

Free press.