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Cambridge Dons disagree about the meaning of life.

Scarcity

Scientists are sexy

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Subatomic particles

Max Weber

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"Do you have any bedtime stories that aren't about the former Yugoslavia?"

'Our next guest is an economist who is the author of the first economic theory that proves that money makes the world go round.'

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

'Well, I guess a master's degree is a master's degree, even if it is in skateboarding.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'But I only came to Oxford because I heard I could wear a gown!'

'That's it?'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Emile Durkheim

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

The institute.

"I'm very proud of the grade A's, son, but what about these grade B smalls?"

The Three Doctors.

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

Wilhelm Dilthey

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

"School is loverly this time of year."

"I've been invited to address a conference of professors of twentieth-century American literature who are sleeping with their students."