Academic Coach T-Shirts

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

"I had to admit to my teacher that you helped me with my homework... She was about to put me in a 'special needs' class!"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Others will fight for you

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Reach for the Star.

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Eternal Student.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.